Last Dance
by darkchakram
Summary: It's the end of Year Seven at Hogwarts for Lily Evans. She has to make hard decisions that will change her life for ever. Snape/Lily pairing. Angst! Angst!
1. Chapter 1

Last Dance

By darkchakram

Disclaimer: Characters owned by J. K.. Rowling.

NC-17

Summary: As the end of seventh year approaches, Lily has to make important decisions about her future. Events at a school dance make Lily realize that Snape is too caught up in the Dark Lord's plans to make choosing him a reality. Snape/Lily pairing. Angst. Angst. Angst.

Lily Evans watched the clouds roll across the ceiling in Hogwart's Main Hall. She knew a perfect spring day awaited students who were fortunate enough to be spending the day outside. She, however, was not one of the lucky ones. She had been cajoled into helping Professor Slughorn with a special research project, and her Saturday was to be spent in the library.

"It's what you get for offering to help Ole Sluggy," Lily's boyfriend, James Potter, elbowed her playfully in the ribs.

"And what are you getting up to today?" She eyed James' Marauder friends.

"Oh, you know. . . a bit of this, a bit of that," James' eyes shifted slightly to the Slytherin table.

"Leave him out of it," Lily glared at James when she saw that he was looking at Severus Snape.

"He's a Death Eater, Lily, you can't go on protecting him, forever," James drank down his last bit of pumpkin juice.

"He's right, you know," Sirius Black winked at Lily. "Snivellus has it coming."

"I'll make them behave, Lily," Remus Lupin promised softly.

"I don't care if they get themselves expelled. It'd serve them right. Just leave him alone. He's studying for his N.E.W.T.s, He doesn't need you guys tormenting him while he works."

"Just how do you know what he's studying?" James looked at her accusingly. "For all you know, he could be reading a book on the Dark Arts, working on something for Voldemort."

"I know Severus. His marks are important to him, unlike some people," she arched an eyebrow at James.

James rolled his eyes at her. "I'll pass my exams. Maybe I won't have Exceeds Expectations like you and Snivellus, but I'll get by." James glanced back at the Slytherin table. When he saw Snape looking toward them, he bent over and kissed Lily on the mouth. "Bye Baby, I'll see you tonight." With a smirk in Snape's direction, James put his arms around Sirius and Lupin and led them out of the Great Hall. Peter Pettigrew hurried to follow.

After James left, Lily glanced over at the Slytherin table. She could see the jealousy burning the black coal of Severus' eyes and she realized James had been making a show out of kissing her. It pissed her off. The intensity of Severus' gaze was too much. She looked away. For a fleeting moment she fantasized about a good way to pay James back for objectifying her. One that ended up with him coming into the Gryffindor common room and finding her on the sofa with Severus on top of her.

Lily quickly pushed the image away. Warmth had spread to her cheeks, she knew Severus would notice the flush on her face. She wondered if he'd ever imagine that it had been he that had put it there and not James' claiming kiss. She pretended to be looking at the book on the table in front of her. She purposefully let her hair fall over her face so she could look through the red curtain at Severus.

God how she ached to reach out to him. To go sit with him. To rest her head on his shoulder while he read the book that he seemed so intent on. She watched him turn the page with his long finger. She closed her eyes and pictured his fingers on her, caressing her, touching her in intimate places.

When she opened her eyes, she was struck with horror. Penny Ridgely, a Slytherin sixth year had sat down next to Severus. Lily had noticed that Penny had been sitting with Severus quite a lot recently. She always laughed when he talked as if he were the wittiest boy she'd ever met. It grated on Lily's nerves. Lily watched as Penny offered Severus a piece of her pumpkin pastry. Dumb Cunt, thought LIly, doesn't even know he hates pumpkin. Lily started. She didn't know where that anger had come from. Then she saw Penny lean in and she knew without a doubt what had motivated the feeling of rage.

Lily had been so busy shooting poisonous daggers at Penny that she hadn't noticed that Severus was staring at her and not the chatty girl next to him. When she looked back at him, the left side of his lip was curled up but she wasn't sure if he was smiling or sneering. It was often hard to tell with him.

He said something to Penny and then pushed back from the table. Picking up his book, he headed for the exit. Lily froze as he walked past the Gryffindor table and turned down the row that would force him to walk directly behind her. She knew if she concentrated hard enough, she'd be able to capture his scent, a combination of cedar, sandalwood, and something that was uniquely Severus Snape.

Severus shortened his stride when he saw her back straighten. It was good to know that he still had such an effect on her. As he neared, he could feel the tension pouring off of her. The urge to take her, right there, on the table was overwhelming. He knew she'd let him. Over her shoulder, he could see her breasts heaving under her robe, rising and falling with each short breath. He could almost hear her heart surging against her sternum, reaching for him. He also knew that Penny's eyes were on him, watching him. He couldn't betray Lily. He couldn't allow his feelings to be known to the other Death Eaters. It was information he didn't want Voldemort privy to.

Even though he knew he should have left well enough alone, his need got the better of him. As he walked behind her, he allowed his left index finger to glide ever so gently across her sleek red mane and for the briefest instant he made contact with her shoulder blade.

He heard her gasp and knew that she'd been as electrified by the contact as he. Finally, he made his way to the door but chanced one last look behind him. Lily's fingers played across her lips in ecstasy as if she'd just received love's deepest kiss.

LSLSLSLS

Three hours of searching through tomes on North American flora and Lily wasn't sure she was any closer to getting Slughorn what he needed than she had been before she'd started. She needed to stretch. She walked to the other end of the library and then down the aisle that she knew offered the best view of the lake. She found the window unlatched but she pushed it farther open. The surface of the lake rippled gently in the spring breeze. Even the dark forest on the opposite end of the lake looked inviting. She didn't mind research but it was hard to be stuck inside on such a gorgeous day.

Four brooms zooming by the window startled her. One of the brooms whipped back around and came straight for her. When she saw it was James, she smiled. At least they weren't bullying Severus.

"My answer is, yes," James grinned as he neared the window.

"What are you talking about?"

"You didn't see the announcements?" James asked.

Sirius soared up to the window. "Forget it, Prongs, she's asking me, anyway."

"What are you two going on about?"

Lupin called from below his two closest friends. "There's a dance at the end of term, honoring Dumbledore's thirty years of service to the school. It's a girl's choice dance. James is certain that you'll ask him but Sirius is convinced that you'll finally give into his, " Lupin cleared his throat, "charm."

"You're both gits and I'm not taking either of you to the dance."

"Who you gonna take, Snively Snivellus?" Pettigrew guffawed at his own joke. He shut up rather quickly as James came charging at him. Pettigrew nearly fell off of his broomstick in his haste to get away from Potter. Sirius gave chase too. Lupin looked apologetically at Lily and flew off after them.

Lily turned and sank down to the floor, hugging her knees, her back against the cold stone wall. She wanted to cry but she refused to give into it. In that moment, she loathed Pettigrew. Had he read her mind, somehow, or was he just making a joke he knew would rile James? Of course she'd never ask Severus. They hadn't spoken in nearly a year. But it was girl's choice and he would definitely have been her first choice if the circumstances were different.

Resolving to the put the dance, Severus, James, and the beautiful spring day out of her mind, Lily gritted her teeth and stood up. She needed to finish categorizing the flora for Slughorn. As she was walking through the aisle back to her table, she heard two girls whispering on the other side of the shelf. Normally, Lily wasn't much of a gossip, and she certainly wasn't an eavesdropper but when she heard Penny Ridgely's nasally voice she couldn't help but to listen in.

"And he said yes?" Cara Cosgrove nearly squealed. "But he never goes to any dances."

"Well, he's going to this one, with me!" Penny bragged. "And, I'm gonna sleep with him, if I can."

"Penny, oh my God."

"Don't be a goose, Cara. Everyone knows that Severus is in good with Voldemort." Penny whispered.

"You little hussy, you're not interested in Snape at all."

"Oh, I don't mind having a little fun with him. I mean he is rather good looking and he has that big nose and you know what they say about men with big noses."

"Penny!" Cara said, clearly scandalized.

Lily's ears burned, her throat ached, and her heart thudded.

So that's what Penny had been doing at breakfast. Asking Severus to the dance. But she was only using him to get to the Dark Lord! Served him right. When you play with fire you get burned, she thought self-righteously. He'd chosen Dark Magic over her, if it hurt him, then so be it.

As for big noses, Lily rolled her eyes. Lily knew the truth: it wasn't the size of the wand but the magic that it could produce that satisfied a woman. And she had been on the receiving end of Severus's magic more than once. The thought of him doing the same delicious things he'd done to her body to Penny Ridgely made Lily sick to her stomach.

Lily crept as quietly as possible back to the table where she'd left her books. Clintonia _borealis_ known as the blue-bead lily or the Snakeberry. Leaves edible, fruit mildly toxic. Stimulates the production of estrogen. Lily was finding it difficult to concentrate. She supposed she should ask James to the dance. She'd need to go to Hogsmeade and get a dress. She wondered what Penny would wear. Basic black most likely, that seemed to be the preferred color in all of the Slytherin girls' wardrobes.

Lily looked back down at her notebook. She'd casually been drawing little esses as her mind had wandered. In frustration, she tore off the bottom of the page. She got up to throw the paper in the rubbish bin but it wasn't in it's usual place beside Madam Pince's desk. She remembered there was another bin over by the restricted section so she headed that way.

She chucked the wadded paper into the can and started to head back to her table when she noticed a pair of dark eyes looking through the shelves at her. Severus Snape was standing in the row of books that dealt with dark artifacts. Maybe James had been right. Maybe Snape hadn't been studying for N.E.W.T.s at all. She knew she should just walk away. She looked around the library. She didn't see anyone in their vicinity. She slid into the row just down from the one he was standing in, allowing them to talk between the books.

"Why are you staring at me?" She whispered.

"I wasn't staring at you. I was surprised to see someone else back here. I looked up to see who it was. It was you," he answered curtly.

She wanted to ask him why he had touched her earlier. She wanted him to touch her again. She opened her mouth, then closed it.

Severus pulled another book off of the shelf and starting paging through it, pretending to ignore her. He knew she hated that.

"What are you doing? Shouldn't you be studying for exams?"

"Shouldn't you?" He lobbed her question right back at her.

"I'm researching for Slughorn."

"Well then, you probably shouldn't even be back here, in the restricted section, Lily."

She closed her eyes when he said her name, drawing out both syllables slowly. She loved hearing her name roll off of his gifted tongue.

"Did Pince give you a pass?"

"Yes, of course." His senses jerked awake and then skyrocketed to high alert when a breeze blew into the open window wafting her scent into the air around him.

"What are you researching?" She asked and tried to peek through the shelf to see.

He held up the book to indicate that he was hiding nothing from her. _Medieval Enchantments_. "Personal interests."

"Sev." It had been so long since she'd said his name out loud that it sounded more intimate than she'd intended. She saw him close his eyes and wondered if he gloried as much in hearing his name on her lips as she had in hearing her own on his. She could tell he was fighting strong urges. "Can we talk?"

"Aren't we?" He squinted at her. What did she mean?

"Not here. Somewhere more private."

His heart dared to hope. His mind told him he was a fool. He closed the book and pushed it back onto the shelf. "Where?"

"Third floor, the little room. . ."

"I know the one. When?" He couldn't bear for her to say the room they used to sneak off to. The room would always remind him of her.

"Now." She stated as if it were obvious.

"Should we leave together or are you afraid that Potter or one of his friends might see you cavorting with the enemy?"

"I'll meet you there in fifteen minutes."

He hung his head. She didn't want to be seen with him. Typical. Why was he putting himself through this? It was hard enough knowing that she wanted to be with him but wouldn't. Letting her jerk him around by the dick wasn't going to make things any better.

"Fifteen minutes," he parroted then watched her walk across the library, gather up her things, then leave.

When Lily slipped in the third-floor room, Severus was already there waiting. She smiled inwardly when she realized that he'd combed his hair.

For the tiniest moment, she saw herself running into his arms and giving herself over to him, completely.

"Lily?" He asked. She could tell that he was trying with all of his power to control himself too.

'You can't go to the dance with Penny," she got right to the point.

"Well, that's rich," He looked at her, amazed at her gall. "How did you even find out?"

"Doesn't matter," she answered but at his searing look she gave in, "I overheard her talking to Cara."

Severus snorted.

"I'm serious. She's using you."

"Go on," his voice went deeper than Lily had even known possible. It sent shivers up her spine. Shivers of excitement.

"It isn't you she wants. It's your Dark Lord."

"Well, of course she wants the Dark Lord. We all live to serve him, Lily. That's what a Death Eater does."

"It doesn't bother you that she's not in love with you?" Lily moved closer.

"I'm not in love with her. She's a distraction, nothing more."

"She intends to bed you." Lily whispered.

"Ahh, now here's the rub. You won't be with me but you don't want anyone else to be with me either."

"I was just trying to help, Severus."

"Were you? Were you really? Or were you hoping that this little bit of information might hurt me. Take me down another notch. Teach me a lesson? About love? You've already taught me plenty about that LIly. You who couldn't wait to run into James Potter's arms. Bed."

"You know nothing about James and me."

"Don't I? I know who he is and I know you are with him because it kills me. You both play at hurting me. You wanted me to see you two kissing this morning as badly as he did. Probably worse. Tell me, Lily, which excites you more? The pain in my eyes when I have to watch you with him or the moments like the one we stole this morning in the dining hall?

"Fuck you, Sev. I was trying to do you a damned favor."

"Watch out, Lily. That certainly isn't language becoming a Gryffindor. But really, I think that is exactly what you want, isn't it? Me to fuck you. That's why you chose this room, isn't it?"

Lily knew he was right but admitting it would be going too far.

"This was a bad idea." She backed toward the door but heard it lock behind her. She looked at Severus. He hadn't pulled his wand or uttered a word. So he'd moved on to wandless, non-verbal spells. "Getting good at the Dark Arts, I see."

"It's not the only thing I've gotten good at, Lily," he taunted. He could see her nipples hardening under her robes. Her lips fell apart again. The color returned to her cheeks. He knew if he ran his hands between her legs he'd find her well-lubricated.

"Severus, unlock the door. You're scaring me." She heard the soft clicking of the lock.

He stepped back. Composed himself. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have tried to frighten you. It's just I thought I saw something in your eyes. Excitement. Arousal. The allure of the darkness."

"Something feral and wild?" She continued his litany as if she'd known what he was thinking.

"Lily."

"Shh, You did see those things. I'm ashamed of them. And you should be too."

"Well, I'm not."

"Then why did you comb your hair?"

He looked down embarrassed. "I thought you'd like it better. I'm an idiot. I was hoping. . ."

"You are an idiot. It's you I like about you." She moved toward him and mussed up his hair.

"Lily," he breathed in warning.

She knew what he was trying to say. If she kept putting her hands on him, he wouldn't be able to stop.

"Hold still, Sev. Just be very still. Can you do that for me?" He nodded.

"Good." She whispered as she ran her hands through his hair to the back of his neck. She kneaded the tense muscles she found there. "Relax, Sev."

"Lily, if we do this. . ."

"Shhhh, very still," she whispered her breath tickling his chin as she spoke.

She reached up and caressed his cheek. Then traced the arc of his upper lip with her thumb.

"God your mouth, Severus. I've missed your mouth."

He was helpless in her hands. And here, he'd thought for a minute he was going to have his way with her. He realized, at once, that she'd always own him.

Lily's hand slid silkily down his throat and unknotted his green and silver tie. Carefully, she removed his robe and spread it out across the floor. When she took her own robe off, she realized that the Rubicon had been crossed when she'd put her hands in his hair. She laid her robe atop his then moved back in front of him

Severus took her in. Beneath her robe she'd been wearing a butter-yellow blouse, Her red hair fell over it. He reached out and fingered a lock of her hair, allowing himself to linger the way he hadn't at breakfast. Lily knew how much he loved her hair. He used to love to bury his nose in it and fall asleep as he held her tightly. Her mind raced back to summers along the riverbank, before things had gone so wrong.

Lily reached up and began slowly, undoing the buttons on his white oxford.

Severus's breathing hitched when her warm, soft knuckles brushed along his bare chest as she worked to undress him. It had been over a year since anyone had touched him so intimately. Despite all of his posturing about the things he'd learned, the truth was she'd been the last, the only.

Lily couldn't resist a taste of his flat pink nipple as she pushed his shirt from his torso.

Severus felt his cock twitch when her fiery tongue laved at the sensitive button. His trousers were growing uncomfortably tight.

Lily reached up and kissed him, opening her mouth to him. She felt his hands go to her hair. He pulled her into him as if he'd never wanted to kiss her more. She gave herself over to the feeling. Pressed close together as they were, she could feel his readiness, it made her whimper.

She tore her mouth from his, "Undress, me Sev. Unwrap me."

She was his gift. The universe had given him the cruelest gift of all. One that gave then took away. He knew she'd run back to Potter, ashamed of giving in to her darkness, to him, her own personal Dark Lord.

"Say you're mine, Lily."

""I'm yours Sev. All yours," she panted.

"Yes, you are," he growled and with one sharp pull he ripped her top apart, pearlescent buttons scattered across the stone floor. 

"Severus," she yelped. "My blouse."

"Was covering my gift. Now, that's much better. He took in her milky cleavage that spilled from her cream colored bra. "Beautiful, Lilly."

He sucked in a breath when he felt her hand snake down his torso and into the front of his pants. She was trying to wrest back control. Her fingers closed around his shaft. "So thick for me, Sev. You feel like you're already about to blow."

"No, Lily, You're the one's who is about to blow." He gingerly pushed her head downward. Lily willingly went to her knees. "Undo my trousers," he barely managed to breath out. The sight of her on the floor preparing to service him was leaving him nearly senseless.

Lily's hand never left his cock as her knees fell onto the robes beneath them. She nimbly undid his button and zipper with her free hand. She made sure his eyes were on her before she took him between her lips.

"Ahmmmm," words disappeared, he couldn't think, only feel. Instinctively, he worked his hand into her hair as he watched her mouth his organ.

She took him as deeply as she could , laying her tongue flat along the back of his cock,

Severus fought to keep from moving his hips and forcing himself down her throat.

His hand went to the back of her head. He moved her in a gentle rhythm. She was so giving, so trusting. Abruptly, he pulled free, knowing if he didn't that he was going to come and it would all be over.

She mewed when his cock popped out, her mouth hungrily sought him as he jutted proudly toward his navel.

"Lay down, Lily. Spread your thighs."

The robes felt silky on her back, the air cool on her center as she let her splayed knees fall to either side.

"You have a lovely pink cunt, my sweet. Never cut those curls, Lily. Your pussy is a little fireball," Severus slipped one thick finger into her. God! She was so ready.

"Mmmmmm, Sev."

"Look at me, Lily."

She obeyed, her green eyes blazed bright with pure desire.

Severus slowly, methodically, rubbed lazy circles on her wet clit with his thumb.

Her hips rotated, increasing the sweet friction. Her eyes never left his black gaze. Her boy, her dark prince. Lily couldn't believe his masterful hands were on her again. She'd dreamed but hadn't dared hope that this moment would ever happen.

"Love you," she cried out as her back arched off of the robe and her walls clamped down on his finger.

While she was still orgasming, Severus took his cock in his other hand and glided happily into her.

"Yes!" She welcomed his fullness.

Severus set a quick rhythm, her fresh wave of juices coaxing him onward.

Before long, she panted, "from behind."

Severus pulled out long enough for her to change position.

"God, yes," she moaned as he slid deeper inside of her. "That's it!

He held tightly onto her hips. He dug his fingers in deeper hoping that James Potter would see his purple fingerprints in the days to come. The surge of jealousy spurred him to fuck her harder.

She yelped, "Easy, baby."

Baby! She'd never called him baby. Was that what she called James? He smacked her ass."Turn your head, look at me!"

"Ow, Sev," Lily craned her neck around.

He saw the red print that he'd left on her white ass. "Is that what you call him? Baby?"

He drilled her faster, harder. Rage propelled him.

"I'm here. With you, fuck . . . mmm. . . Sev." She tried to talk but his fucking felt so good.

"That's better," he gripped her hips even harder.

"Fuck, fuck. Gonna come," She balled the robes in her fists and ground back on his cock, hard then wailed, "Yes, yes, oh God, yes. Sev. Yours baby, all yours. I'm coming."

Severus felt the familiar spasm and more fluid gushing over his cock. So much better than fisting in the shower. He wanted to hold on. He knew she would hate herself tomorrow. He knew she'd pull farther away from him than ever. But the cold abyss of tomorrow had nothing on the sheer bliss of the moment.

"Love you, Lily. Always love you," With one final thrust he emptied inside her.

They spent the next hour pretending that they didn't have to go their separate ways. Pretending that they were normal seventh-years who could walk hand in hand down the hallways. Pretending there was no Voldemort, no James. No one between them.

It was Lily who broke the silence. "I have to turn my report in to Slughorn. I'll see you around. She hurried to put her clothes back on. She cinched her robe tightly to cover her torn blouse. She cast him a sweet goodbye smile. But, he saw the sadness flit across her eyes. He knew this would be their last dance.

Lily was still flushed when she reached the Gryffindor common room. She hoped there was no one lurking about as she stepped past the Fat Lady. She just wanted to go to her bed and cry. But the Marauder's had made it back to the tower before her.

"Where have you been? I've been looking all over for you." James asked as she entered.

"Research," she told herself it was only a half-lie.

"You weren't in the library."

"I took the books outside. Restless." She told a whole lie.

"What's all over you?" James pointed to a milky white spot on the front of her robe.

She nearly panicked. "Ummm, icing. I dropped a cinnamon roll on my robe. Clumsy. I should - - uh - - clean this up," she hurried past him toward the girls' dormitory.

Her cheeks burned. She was happy to find the dorm empty. She threw the robe on her bed. The evidence of what she'd done with Snape was there on her black robe. The mixture of their juices stared at her accusatory. What was she doing? How had she cheated on James? What had come over her? But how could she live the rest of her life without Severus? Why couldn't he quit Avery, Mulciber, Malfory? Voldemort?

She flung herself onto the bed. She buried her face in her pillow. "Oh, Sev, I hate you," she let it all go into the goose-down pillow.

The next morning, Lily asked James to the dance, as everyone had known she would.

James gloated about it loudly over breakfast, making sure that his voice carried over to Slytherin table. "I'm her choice, did you hear that, Sirius. Lily Evans chooses me."

Green eyes locked with black smoldering fury. She could tell that Severus had half a mind to stand up and tell James how he'd spent yesterday afternoon. But to his credit, he kept his emotions in check. It made Lily want to run to him. But then, Avery leaned over and said something to Severus and Severus nodded before the two of them got up from the table. Avery motioned to Cara. She tapped Penny and the two girls joined the Slytherin boys. As they exited the Main Hall, Snape made a show of putting his hand on the small of Penny's back.

Lily's heart twisted painfully.

"You can quit being a git, James," Lily called in a monotone voice, "it doesn't bother him anymore." She knew it did. And she knew that he'd only taken possession of Penny to hurt her for dating James. She only hoped that if James would quit putting her on display that maybe Severus wouldn't feel compelled to throw Penny in her face.

"So he has a girlfriend?"

"Suppose," Lily answered and took a drink of pumpkin juice. She'd be glad when the year was over. She'd never wanted to go back to Cokeworth so badly. Then she remembered that even Cokeworth would be different. It was over. Really over. She looked at James. Did she love him? Could she love him? Did it matter? Did anything matter?

"Miss Evans, can I see you in my office?" Professor Slughorn saved her from her own angst.


	2. Chapter 2

Last Dance

Chapter 2

Lily waited in the corridor outside of Professor Minerva McGonagal's class. When the last of the first years filed out of the room looking overwhelmed by their Transfigurations finals review, Lily popped her head around the door jamb.

"Professor McGonagal, do you have second?"

"Of course, Lily, come on in," the professor waved her forward. "Is something bothering you." Professor McGonagal had noticed that something had been off about Lily the past few days. She couldn't quite put her finger on it but she felt it might have something to do with Severus Snape. She'd caught the two stealing glances at one another all week.

Lily approached McGonagal's desk then just stood there stiffly and nervously.

McGonagal sat back in her seat and waited.

Still silence.

McGonagal steepled her hands, raised an eyebrow, then leaned forward once more. "Lily?"

"Yes, sorry. It's just . . ." Lily bit her bottom lip.

"Oh for Heaven's sake Lily, is this about you and Severus?"

Lily's face turned beet red, her breathing hitched. How had McGonagal known? Did the other professors know? Was there some kind of recording device in their secret room? Had Severus told someone?

"Wha-wha- what?" Lily stammered.

"I've seen you two all week sneaking peeks in each other's directions. Are you having boy trouble? Need a woman to talk to?"

"What? No! It's nothing like that." Lily insisted. Lily was mortified. Did she look so lovesick that her professors were willing to offer her dating advice? Well, at least McGonagal didn't know about the sex! That would have been horrific.

"Well then, what do you need?"

"Well, I mean Severus and I were are just friends, or were friends. I suppose we aren't even that anymore. And anyway, James complicates the whole thing now. I mean even if Voldemort weren't involved. I've messed things up by. . ." Lily shook her head. She was rambling. She needed to shut up before she went too far.

"Lily, it's okay to harbor feelings for two men. However, it is not okay to deal with them deceitfully. If you have feelings for the both of them, then you need to be open and honest with them."

"I don't have feelings for them both," she could feel her own toes curling as she lied.

McGonagal grimaced incredulously. "Lily."

"Look, it's not even about that. I mean, what I'm here for. I came about the dance," Lily grinned awkwardly.

"The dance?"

"Well, really the dress. See, I don't really have anything nice to wear. I need to make a trip to Hogsmeade and was wondering if you'd be so kind as to issue me a special pass to visit outside of normal visiting hours."

"Who have you asked to the dance?"

Lily couldn't believe the gall of the professor. What was more was that she couldn't believe that McGonagal had missed James' overt announcement of Lily's choice in the Main Hall. Lily was certain that the whole grounds had heard him.

"Does it matter?" 

"No, of course not. When did you want to go, dear?"

"As soon as possible. I may have to send off for a special order. Not sure if Gladrags will have anything suitable."

"Oh, I'm sure they've got wind that there's to be a dance. I'm certain they'll have plenty of frocks to choose from. You're not the only Belle who's been asking permission for a shopping trip." McGonagal's old twinkle was back, for which Lily was grateful.

"Here you are," McGonagal slid a note across the desk.

"Thank you," Lily slipped the note into her robe pocket and turned to go.

"Lily?" McGonagal called softly.

Lily turned. "Yes."

"Be gentle with the boy. He's not as tough as his exterior would have you believe. His heart is bigger than he lets on."

"I only wish it were bigger than his ambition," Lily frowned.

"Aw, and that is the problem isn't it? Many a Slytherin has been lured down that dark path. Immense power can be a tempting mistress."

"How can a mere mortal compete with that?" Lily whispered.

"Unconditional Love," McGonagal answered simply then turned and put her nose in a book.

Lily considered the professor's words. Did she have the courage to love Severus unconditionally? Apparently not, she'd already demanded he leave the Death Eaters. His friends scared her. Hell, he scared her when he talked about power, the Dark Arts, and Voldemort.

"Thank you, again, Professor," Lily said as she stepped out into the hall.

LSLSLSLS

Lily's took the first flight of stairs toward Gryffindor tower but the stairwell that she stepped on started shifting when she was halfway up. When she finally reached the other side she had to turn right away from Gryffindor tower. After seven years she knew the castle like the back of her hand. She knew in order to make it back to the tower she have to make three lefts and then take another staircase up. The route was so routine for her that her mind wandered to McGonagal's warning about Severus. She knew she was breaking his heart but in fairness, he'd broken hers first.

In her haste to get back to the dorm, she took one of the corners absentmindedly and slammed hard into a familiar black-clad figure. The books he was carrying popped into the air before slamming hard onto the stone floor.

"Sorry Sev," she cried and hurried to help him pick up the books.

"In a hurry?" he asked as his hand fell gently over hers as she reached for his Advanced Potions textbook.

"Sort of, I'm making a trip to Hogsmeade." Why was she nervous? What was this magic he held over her?

"Hogsmeade's that way," Severus arched an eyebrow and nodded down the stairwell. Severus wondered why she'd lie to him? It was out of character for her. She was almost always forthright with him, or so he'd thought. She didn't even bother to hide her emotions for him, not that it would have mattered since he'd become so adept an legilimens.

"Yes, but I was going to the dorm to dress for the trip."

"What's wrong with you school robes?" He took Advanced Potions from her and resituated his books under his arm. The both stood, their breaths rapid, their hearts even more so. Severus noticed the color in her cheeks and the way her teeth pressed into her bottom lip.

"Nothing, not that it's any of your business . . . but . . oh nevermind," she pushed past him. Being close to him was torture she needed to be as far from him as possible. "Bye, Sev."

Severus wasn't sure what had gone wrong but something clearly had. Her arousal had been evident and then suddenly she bolted. He knew he should leave her alone but he couldn't. He nudged gently at her mind.

 _Who does he think he is anyway? I don't need his approval on what's appropriate to wear anywhere. Sometimes, I think he is as bad as James._

Her last thought infuriated him.

He turned and snapped, "Don't you ever compare me to him! I am nothing like him."

Lily rounded on him, Her bright eyes gleaming with pure rage. "Were you in my head?"

This time she knocked his books from his hand purposefully. She grabbed his robes and fisted them in her hands. "Stay out of my mind! You really are one of them!"

"Control your emotions," he ordered.

"Don't order me around. No one order's me!"

"Someone needs to! Look at you," he said calmly.

"You were the one just railing about James. How can you stand there and lecture me when you don't have control of your emotions?" Lily pushed him as she talked. His mouth parted in a gasp of breath when his back hit the stone wall and her knee slid ever so skillfully between his thighs.

"Lily," he growled.

"Don't you deign to tell me to control myself, Severus. Not when you can't control your own mind or emotions." She felt his cock stiffen against her thigh. "Or body for that matter," she smirked.

He leaned in and whispered. "Bodies are easy to read. I'm not the only one aroused right now."

She pulled back and smacked him hard across the cheek.

He laughed. And then reached into her head again.

 _Why is he laughing? I know it hurt. I can see the tears in his eyes? God I wanna kiss him._

"Then do it," he called.

She shook her head. Desire and fury warred in her green gaze. Just as she was about to give in Nearly Headless Nick came floating down the corridor.

"My my," the ghost looked at Lily shamefully.

"Get lost," Severus ordered. 

"Hmph," Nearly Headless Nick turned his nose up. "Not behavior befitting a Gryffindor," he muttered as he drifted away.

The spell was broken. When Severus looked back the desire and fury had be replaced by shame and she was mentally castigating herself. He didn't want to listen to internal monologue anymore.

Lily pulled away. He didn't move to stop her but before she turned, he suggested, "You should find someone to give you Occlumency lessons."

"Fuck off, Sev."

"I'm serious Lily. For your safely."

"Am I in danger?"

"There's a war coming, Lily. You should learn to protect yourself. You need to take things like that more seriously."

She shrugged.

"If you won't do it for yourself. Do it for James."

"How do you mean?"

"If a dark wizard ever needed to prod you mind for information about him, you wouldn't be able to close your mind. You like the discipline."

"And I suppose you are adept!"

"I've been practicing for years."

"I'm surprised to learn that their is information that you would choose to hide from your master," she sneered.

"There is one I love more than him, though he will never know it."

"Oh Sev," she wanted to run to him but instead she turned and made a beeline for Gryffindor tower. Tears dripping on the stone floor the whole way.


End file.
